It's college commencement season which means it's time for notable speakers to share words of wisdom with this year's crop of hopeful graduates. Sure, there are those inspirational speeches we all love, and then there's Stephen Colbert's valedictory address to the University of Virgina's class of 2013.
True to form, Colbert kicked things off by encouraging the audience to turn on their cell phones so they didn't miss any texts. He then referenced the trend of cash strapped public universities balancing their budgets with out-of-state students who pay more tuition and had the crowd give the out-of-staters a round of applause. "Because without those people," Colbert quipped, "tomorrow instead of wearing gowns and mortarboards, you'd be graduating in ponchos made of Hefty bags with used pizza boxes on your head." He also paid homage to UVA's honor code which is, according to Colbert, "On my honor, I pledge that I have neither given nor received help on this assignment, so help me Adderall."
As for advice, Colbert kept it real and told the grads to remember, "You do not owe the previous generation anything. Thanks to us, you owe it to the Chinese."